Category Archives: Humor

Some Thoughts on Christmas

Every Christmas Eve our church has a gathering in which different people volunteer songs, skits, readings and other things to share with the church family. At the end of the evening we gather in a large circle around the auditorium and sing ‘Silent Night. A great time of fellowship and rejoicing in the birth of Jesus. Below is my contribution to our gathering. I hope you enjoy it and have a wonderful Christmas!

Ever since I was a kid I have had a lot of questions; even about Christmas. Yesterday in the morning service we all sang a couple of songs asking questions;

What Child Is This?

Mary Did You Know?

So I am pretty sure I am not the only one with questions.

Angels seem to get a whole lot of attention at this time of the year.
Two Sundays ago we sang Angels We Have Heard on High; It seems like Gloria gets an awful lot of time in this song. Gloria, Gloria, Gloria but nothing about Suzy, Tom, and for that matter Vernon? Is it just the way the music is written … that it wouldn’t sound right?

Ever since I was a kid I have watched the movie; “It’s a Wonderful Life”. It’s an almost annual tradition. I really enjoy it but; where in the Bible does it ever talk about men dying and becoming angels? Even if it were true, why would a loving and gracious God who gave us eternal life through faith and faith alone; require works before we could “earn our wings”? To this day when I hear a small bell ring I still start thinking about angels, and their wings and Harold Franks.

While we are on the subject of angels and Harold Franks; those of you that have been around Community Baptist for years will remember Harold Franks; I miss him, know he is with the Lord in Heaven and I will see him again. I know Harold isn’t an angel and he is not trying to earn his wings….but what I don’t know is how many angels are called Harold and why are we harking to hear them sing?

On a different note or should I say song; Why is there no L? I can understand the First no L but 2000 years later? This is America…I know we are on the edge of the Fiscal Cliff…. but has our Wheel of Fortune turned so far that we can’t chip in and buy an “L”?

And what about the 3 Kings; you know ….We three kings of Orient are…No where in the Bible does it say that there were 3 kings, yes there were three gifts but any research into historical documents will show that there was undoubtedly a large group of “wise men” from the East and that many servants and others were with them. And they didn’t come to the stable….it was later at least a year or so. Look what the Bible really says about them to get some of those questions answered.

And the gifts they brought….most of us can remember those…. Probably because of the songs we have sung over and over. It might be my age but I can’t remember many of the gifts I have received over the years. I can remember events with grandparents, parents and children. I remember the things we did together much more than any gifts received or given.

If you don’t have much to give to someone this year….give them something they will remember more….your time spent with them. That is really what Christmas is all about anyway. God sent Jesus Christ, as God/Man, as a baby in the manger. He grew into an adult who would die on the cross for all of man kind’s sins Through-out the Gospels it tells of how Jesus took time to stop and share with individuals the Good News.

I still have questions about Christmas and life but I hope you have made time in your life to start that personal relationship with the One who we honor tonight. If not I encourage you to keep asking questions until you find your way to that place where a baby was born in a manger to set all men free!

My Wife Treats Me Like A Kid!

Good Sunday Morning Joes and Janes;

My wife and I have been married almost 40 years and she still treats me like a kid.  I don’t know why but I have gotten used to it.  I guess something is working right.  A few days ago she made me breakfast and the picture below is what appeared at the table……

Breakfast for Regular Joe

I really don’t think my hair looks like that but otherwise I guess it is a pretty close likeness.  And remember that government study that came out a few weeks ago?  Every piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life!  Is this a subtle death threat?  How did the scientists come up with the 9 minutes?  Are they sure it is 9 and not 8 and 1/2 minutes?  Now that the Obamacare law has been upheld will the government still allow us to eat bacon?  Will older people be force to eat bacon so they die quicker and save the government money?  So many questions remain unanswered this morning but I really love my wife’s humor!

In other news:

I wanted to share some early Independence Day ideas with you.  I had some mortgage inspections to do in Kalispell, Montana on Friday.  It gave me the opportunity to drive up through the Flathead Valley and also to look at what fireworks are available on the Indian Reservation.  We may not be Texas, but we still do things in a big way.  I was able to get a couple of bottle rockets to celebrate the 4th!

Montana bottle rockets for the 4th of July Celebration.

I am going to try to get a couple more if I can get these unloaded, (I had to buy a truck to haul them but always wanted a duce and a half anyway.   I know my uncle in Portland will be jealous.  The Oregon laws don’t allow much in the way of fireworks;

Oregon law forbids possession, use or sale of fireworks that fly, explode or travel more than six feet on the ground or 12 inches in the air. Bottle rockets, Roman candles, and firecrackers are ILLEGAL in Oregon.

Read more:

Of course everything west of the Cascades has turned into a Socialist state already.  I guess the government on local, state and federal levels tries to treat us like kids too.  But enough politics on a Sunday Morning!  I will let you get back to the comics page and get ready for church.

Regular Joe

Zombies, Healthcare and Other Crazy News This Week

Good Saturday Morning!

Well, the coroner’s report is in this week on the man, individual, errr…zombie who ate the face off of another man in Florida at the end of last month.  The only drug in his system was …….marijuana.   If you will recall my post from May 27; Zombie Attack in Florida, much speculation was made concerning the probability that the person was on “bath salts”, a drug which causes the body temperature to spike and psychotic behaviors.  Now that we know it was not bath salts we are left with several pressing questions;

  1. Will marijuana cause this behavior?
  2. Is this individual really a zombie after all?
  3. Where is this zombie now?
  4. How many more zombies has he created?
  5. Why is his victim still in the hospital after all this time?
  6. Is his victim being treated for injuries or being quarantined to try to stop the spread of the zombie virus?

And probably the most pressing question today;

  1. How is the government able to hide this vast conspiracy against the American people?

I am sure there are logical explanations for all of the above questions; But in the crazy-world-turned-upside-down that we live in this week, why look for logical answers?  It is Saturday, I need a short break in all the news before I head out the door to work and I thought I would add my thoughts to some of these stories. Read the rest of this entry

Government Wastes Money on Signs?

I thought  you may want to see this short video on government sign waste.  Perhaps it will give you a laugh or thoughts on better preparing your defenses.

Regular Joe

Zombie Attack in Florida

Zombies Invade San Francisco!

Zombies Invade San Francisco! (Photo credit: Scott Beale)

My post Zombie Apocalypse continues to be one of the top three all time viewed posts on my site.  Not wanting to argue with success and finding the following news story on The Blaze yesterday I could not resist revisiting the Zombie topic in an unabashed use of real news twisted into another send up to Zombies and including gratuitous violence.

Miami Police Shoot and kill Naked Man ‘Eating’ Face of Another Man

Miami police shot and killed a naked man on Saturday whom witnesses said was eating the face of another man, the Miami Herald reported:

According to police sources, a road ranger saw a naked man chewing on another man’s face and shouted on his loud speaker for him to back away. Meanwhile, a woman also saw the incident and flagged down a police officer who was in the area.

The officer, who has not been identified, approached and, seeing what was happening, also ordered the naked man to back away. When he continued the assault, the officer shot him, police sources said. The attacker failed to stop after being shot, forcing the officer to continue firing. Witnesses said they heard at least a half dozen shots.

Read the rest of the story here

Video available here

In the vein of thought that the moon landing was ‘faked’; what makes us think that the news media and police really want us to know what really happened?  Sure, blame it on cocaine!   The Herald printed that investigators believed it might be; “cocaine psychosis” — a “drug-induced craze that bakes the body internally and often leads the affected to strip naked and try to cool off.”  Yah, right,  I’ve seen the Zombie movies!  You and I know what is really going on here.

In ‘s story she quotes; Larry Vega said he witnessed the attack, writing to Local 10, “I stopped a City of Miami police officer and informed him that a homeless man was killing another person by biting and ripping his face to death.”

Vega also said, “The police officer confronted the aggressor, and he was like a rabid dog and confronted the officer. Then the officer shot the person four times.”

Note to police; every Zombie hunter knows only a brain destroying head shot will stop a Zombie.  Maybe Homeland Security needs to start Zombie Terrorist training program!

Then according to the reports they take the victim, in critical condition, to the hospital for treatment.  Probably no isolation ward, no guards so when he wakes up he starts eating others!  If you are  in a Miami hospital ….. RUN!

Catching up on the New Zombie Nation rag

Catching up on the New Zombie Nation rag

On a somewhat related thought; I was at the store the other day and my wife was looking at clothes.  No… I was in the magazine section!  I ran across a new magazine in the rack….had to buy it….Zombie Nation premiere issue.  You should be able to find it at the news stand in the gun section.  My wife says I’ve had my head buried in it since I got it.  Ignore the picture she took.

If you are into Zombies definitely spend the $8.99 (U.S and Canada)  There are some good articles on firearms and accessories and I had no idea so many serious manufacturers were jumping on the Zombie train with specialized products.  I had no idea EOTECH had a new site out with a bio-hazard  reticle.  Several of the articles are definitely translatable to home defence and then there are some tongue in cheek pages on Zombie attacks.

Given the problems in Miami it should be required reading for the Miami Police Department!

The centerfold is a tear out Zombie Nation Target Poster that I thought would look really great on the office wall….my lovely wife had a different opinion, but then I don’t think she believes in Zombies either.  I am thinking about putting it in the garage so I can scare the daylights out of myself if I go out there in the middle of the night.

Watch your back!

Regular Joe

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